After millennia of badassery and intergalactic adventures, the infamous robot pirate BlackWire-Space Booty Hunter has finally hung up his eye-patch. Now, with his trusted proxy, the Gastro Astro, and a fresh new moniker, “Yumwalla,” he’s embarked on a new quest: seeking out the galaxy’s most elusive treasure—the perfect bite.

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Their home planet, nestled in the oOgala Nebula, has just one restaurant—BunJam—and, frankly, it’s terrible. So, naturally, they set their sights on the tastiest place in the cosmos: Earth, where food is abundant and the music is even better.

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“At first, I planned to review them all; I was going to award 1, 2, or 3 Astronauts if you’re delicious, or 1, 2, or 3 Uranuses if you disappoint. But then I remembered my mother’s advice: ‘Never speak ill of anyone.’ So here’s the plan: you won’t find any lackluster restaurants here; I just won’t write about them. This space is only for the places and bites that have moved me and Gastro Astro, accompanied by the songs that each meal brings to mind.

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After a lifetime of taking, this is my way of giving back. I hope my words bring you joy, I hope you love the merch, and I hope you eat, cook, and love however, wherever, and whatever you want. XOXO.”